Reflections

Age?
20.

Sex?
Female.

What is your degree subject (both if joint)?
English and Film Studies.

Does ‘Being Bad’ relate well to the other modules you are taking?
Yes.

If so, how? And if not, why not?
It relates to the Film part of my course because of the Bad Cinema lecture.

Have you found ‘Being Bad’ too demanding, too easy, or at an appropriate level?
It was neither too demanding, nor too easy.

Do you think the list of topics covered on the module was appropriate?
I didn't think the Body Piercing one was relevant - but maybe because I don't see that as an immoral, dangerous or unhealthy practice. It's very common now among my generation to indulge in body art.

Are there any topics not included in the module that you would like to see included?
It would have been interesting to have a lecture on drugs but if the University saw that as an inappropriate subject to educate us on then fair enough.

Do you think that the format for classes has worked well?
Yes, one lecture per topic seemed to work well.

What did you think of the module team?
Mark Jones was the lecturer I learned the most from but when we had other lecturers the class seemed restless and very talkative and the lecturers were unable to discipline them.

Do you think it would have been better to have had more:
Small group discussions?
Discussion and debate among the class as a whole?
Information and talk from lecturers?
I think more discussions from the class as a whole would have been beneficial.

The approach taken in the module is interdisciplinary (drawing on perspectives from English Literature, Film Studies, Creative Writing, Philosophy, Religious Studies, Media Studies and Politics): do you think this a useful way of approaching the topics covered in the module?
Yes, as these topics can be relevant to many subjects.

Do you think that interdisciplinary modules are a good idea?
Yes, it gives us a chance to learn abouts things other than just our set course.

Do you think you have benefited from the interdisciplinary approach taken in the module?
Yes.

Would you like to see more modules that cover this kind of subject matter?
Yes.

Are you planning to take the follow-up module PH2004 ‘It Shouldn’t Be Allowed’ at level 2?
I am definitely considering it.

Would you recommend ‘Being Bad’ to a friend?
Yes.

Do you think that the blogs (web logs) were a good idea?
Yes.

What did you think of the other assessments (e.g. would it be better to have one longer assessment rather than two shorter ones?)?
No, I prefer the current structure.

What have you learned from the module?
Different perspectives on how others view things, it's also helped me to develop my debating style.

What parts of the module have you found most useful and why?
I found the weblogs useful as we were allowed to write about any form of "being bad" we liked and it encouraged us to be more free and open in our writing.

What parts do you think were a waste of time and why?
I don't think there were any parts that were a waste of time, apart from missing out when people in the lecture room would not stop talking so it was impossible to hear the lecturer talk.

Are there any other comments you wish to make regarding ‘Being Bad’?
No.

Drugs

When Class A drugs come into a conversation, most people will have an image of a common junkie spring to mind - someone who is willing to do anything for their next fix, someone who had a traumatic childhood etc. Well, this is not the case; I know several people who like to use Class A drugs recreationally - cocaine and ecstasy, and they're not like that stereotype at all. In fact, they're the opposite; middle-class, intelligent people from good families. But then ask yourself "Why would anyone who has been given a decent start in life risk their life by messing around with hardcore drugs?" In my opinion, it's because they're simply 'bored', they don't want to just go out and get pissed in clubs anymore, they want to take it to the next level, they want to get as high as they possibly can just to see what it's like. Sounds stupid? It is but they are more addicted to escaping from reality than addicted to the actual drugs themselves. I only just realised that it was possible for someone to be so bored by life that they were willing to risk losing it all for a temporary high. If anyone has any questions about different types of drugs and the dangers click on this link: http://talktofrank.com/home_html.aspx

Swearing

In response to Meg's blog on swearing http://megmakesnosense.blogspot.com/ I believe that swearing is wrong, purely because of my upbringing, yet if my mother knew how I talked around my friends she would wash my mouth out with soap. My parents never swore around me when I was younger (and they still don't swear to this day) - I remember once when I was about 8 and my sister called me a bitch. She didn't know what it meant or that it was a 'naughty word', she had just heard it at school. However, that didn't stop me from telling my Mum and getting her into trouble...muha ha ha ha...

I went to the park yesterday with some friends for a game of football and I heard a little girl (she only looked about 4 years old) calling her younger sister a bitch and telling her to "fuck off" - I actually stood there stunned for a while because I couldn't believe that this innocent-looking little girl had been corrupted by bad language at such a young age. I assumed the reason that she had a mouth like a sewer was because that was the kind of language she was used to hearing from her parents, or maybe they even talked to her in that manner.

Although I swear frequently, (for dramatic effect, of course!) and even moreso when I've had a few drinks, I can honestly say that when I'm a mother I will never swear in front of my children - in fact I will try and stop swearing full stop because it horrifies me that children as young as 4 can swear on a regular basis and consider it the norm.

Why do we swear? Is it out of habit? Most likely, as last year I 'quit' swearing and lasted for about 9 months; it's not as hard to quit as people think, it only took me about 2 weeks to banish bad language from my vocabulary. I had a friend in college who used to say that if people swore then it proved how incapable they were of communicating their feelings without swearing, that it showed how poor their vocabulary was.

What is the reason that we started swearing in the first place? Because we either heard it from our parents or picked it up in school from our friends. It is part of our natural human instinct to integrate new words into our speech if we hear them on a regular basis. Here is a link to a website on what's wrong with swearing: http://www.cusscontrol.com/swearing.html it also has tips on how to stop swearing, just in case any of you were interested!

An Honest Politician? No Such Thing.

In response to Tom's blog on "Bad Bush" http://tomclewer.blogspot.com/ I am completely confused at how Bush managed to get into power in the first place. Here is a man who not only has no social etiquette whatsoever, but has terrible grammar and is noticeably uneducated. Want to see Bush making a fool of himself (yet again!) and also making Blair look like a laughing stock? Watch this: http://youtube.com/watch?v=7o6OS4NcUqE

How can Bush justify the war on Iraq? His answer? "God told me to invade". Now, I'm not getting all religious but I find it very difficult to believe that the God, whose Christian doctrine is based on love above everything else, would tell Bush to invade, knowing that innocent people would die. This man is bad but you didn't need me to tell you that, did you? The thing that shocks me the most is that he thought people would just accept his decision to go to war because of the attacks on the Twin Towers. Well, I'm sorry to inform you George, but the American people aren't that stupid.

And as for Blair being Bush's very own puppy-biatch...Tony, stand up to that ignorant redneck and the British people might begin to respect you again.

Binge-Drinking

Binge-drinking is a major problem in modern day Britain. We have grown accustomed to our city centres being over-run with young people pissed off their faces every weekend (I'm one of them by the way!) and with seeing many of them bundled off into police vans to spend the night in a cell.

Why does Britain have this problem of going out with the intention of getting as bladdered as possible? "Because it's fun."

It is fun, that's why we do it. We love the idea of going for a night on the town with a group of close friends, everyone having a drink and making fools of themselves, having all those drunken photographs posted on Facebook.com the very next morning and having everyone comment on how pissed you all were and what a great night it was.

There's nothing wrong with that at all - it's only to be expected of us students, right? But when people start getting violent because of the unimaginable amount of alcohol they have consumed, or when women get so drunk that a complete stranger takes advantage of them, or even seizes the opportunity to date-rape them, that's when things start to get a little out of control, to say the least.

I believe that if we were more like other European countries such as France, Spain or Portugal, then we wouldn't have a binge-drinking culture. I have a Portugese friend who I've known for many years and she told me about how in Portugal children are introduced to alcohol from a very young age. My friend was drinking red wine with her supper since the age of 6. By doing this, her parents removed the 'mystery' about alcohol and taught her how she could enjoy alcohol in moderation, so that when she grew older she wouldn't feel the need to rebel and go out on massive drinking sessions.

Yet, in Britain we use alcohol not only as a social thing, but to "drown our sorrows". It is a depressant and always makes you feel ten times worse afterwards. I've lost count of the times when I've woken up in the morning to what feels like a little angry man with a hammer inside my head...and every time I utter the words "I'm never drinking again", we've all been there but we continue to go out and do the same thing again. Is it really worth it? Is it worth liver and kidney damage? Is it worth putting your life at risk when you get so drunk you can't walk or even remember your own name? Here is a link to a website that can inform you in more detail of the dangers of binge-drinking http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/1930417.stm

Here are some statistics on female binge-drinking http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/1704167.stm

Sexual Promiscuity

How sexually promiscuous would you have to be to be considered "bad"?

My friends and I were discussing this last week and we defined sexual promiscuity as not only having full sex with several different people in a short time period but as performing other sex acts too.

It's mainly women who are classed as sleeping around rather than men; they are more likely to lose the respect of their peers as a woman who "sleeps around" than a man who has an equally active sex life. So why do they do it? The first thought that springs to mind is that they're insecure about themselves, they need to feel wanted somehow and this is some sort of a 'quick fix'. Yet this may not apply to all women who are sexually active with several people in a short space of time. They may have completely different attitudes towards sex than the majority of the population. It is possible that they are able to distinguish sex from emotion (uncommon in most women as we tend to become more emotionally-attatched than males) and this therefore leaves them able to have "no-strings" sex without feeling used afterwards.

Even though this kind of behaviour is becoming more commonplace with the current generation, why is it that many still frown and discriminate against these women for the sexual lifestyle they have chosen? It may be because the older generations are more likely to have religious backgrounds and will therefore refuse to justify any kind of sexual immorality, whether it be excessive sexual partners or fornication alone. Or even if religion is not an issue, moral standards in general were much higher then than they are now. However, it is possible that more people are willing to speak openly about it in the 21st Century; it may have been more commonplace in our grandparents' generations than we think but because of recent social developments such as the sexual revolution of the 1960's and the Feminist movements of the 1970's, it is now far more socially acceptable to discuss with close friends.

It would also be ignorant of us to not take into account the risks that sexually promiscuous people expose themselves to with HIV/AIDS and many other STI's on the increase. "Sexually transmitted diseases are among the most common infections with an estimated 18.9 million new infections annually in the United States and 340 million infections worldwide." You can read more about this at http://www2.ncid.cdc.gov/travel/yb/utils/ybGet.asp?section=dis&obj=stds.htm

Religion: A Man-Made Concept

In my opinion, all religions are cults. I was raised as a Christian and therefore do not class it as a religion but as a friendship with God. My definition of religion is man's attempt to reach God whereas Christianity is God's attempt to reach man through Jesus Christ.

However, other 'branches' of Christianity such as Catholicism and Jehovah Witnesses would constitute as religion or cults. They focus so much more on strict discipline and following rules than actually making an effort to know their Creator on a one-to-one level.

This may also be said for some other strict denominations of Christianity and even individual churches themselves. Having grown up in a non-denominational Christian family I have seen what it is like when people have a personal relationship with God. It is not about following every single rule in the Bible or constantly worrying about whether God is angry with you for your constant sinning; it's about spending time just talking to him and then the ability to behave in a more Christ-like way will soon follow and it will become easier to resist temptation. Even if you do sin, God will forgive any sin if you genuinely repent.

However, I'm no longer a practising Christian - not because I didn't want a personal relationship with God but because of the mass hypocrisy I found in churches. Christians have been given a bad name by those that have lost sight of what it is to be close to God and have become 'religious' and have started to judge others because they're not living in a Christ-like way. This hypocritical behaviour is not in accordance to the teachings of the Bible; the whole Christian doctrine is based on love and many so-called Christians have become so caught up in doing 'good works' in order to look good in front of others, rather than simply relying on their faith. According to Hebrews 11v1 : "Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen" - NKJ.

I believe that if you truly want to know God as opposed to becoming 'religious' you should just look to him and read the Bible, his word. From personal experience I have found that by looking towards other so-called Christians and their behaviour, they are not a true representation of the Christian faith and the love that God has for every individual.

Following cults such as Jehovah Witnesses get naive people caught up in others ideologies of what it is to be close to God. Why listen to a man when you can listen to the Creator himself?

To Cheat or Not To Cheat...That is the Question

I don't class myself as ever cheating but I guess it depends on what your definition of cheating is. If it's kissing or fooling around with someone else other than your partner then I've cheated. But I've never cheated by having full sex with someone else. Does that make it right? No, of course not and I regret it but because of the situation at the time it was justified. That may be hard for some people to understand but that's how it was.

A dictionary definition of infidelity is:


1.
marital disloyalty; adultery.
2.
unfaithfulness; disloyalty.
3.
lack of religious faith, esp. Christian faith.
4.
a breach of trust or a disloyal act; transgression.

Personally, I don't constitute it as cheating unless it was full sexual intercourse. But what leads most people to do it? Lack of self-control? Influence of alcohol? Or maybe it's "Just because I can!"

Now I'm not going to start man-bashing here but according to statistics, men are more likely to cheat than women:

To show how fast the world is changing, only 10 percent of married women admitted to infidelity in 1991, according to a poll by the National Opinion Research Center at the University of Chicago. Ten years later, that number jumped to 15 percent for women, while the level of unfaithful men stayed a constant 22 percent. (http://www.womansavers.com/articles-for-women/65.html)

So it's fair to assume that in recent times women are gradually becoming more sexually immoral and liberated - or maybe they're just looking for sexual attention outside of their relationships because their partners don't show them enough affection between the sheets. Women need to feel wanted and loved, whereas men most likely cheat because they have a serious lack of self-control and willpower, and to be frank, just can't keep it in their trousers.

Women are also more likely to feel guilty about cheating, generally because they are more emotional beings. Again, this does not make it right.

From a religious point-of-view, the Bible's standpoint on adultery is just simply "Do not commit adultery" - plain and simple. Yet if you read the following passage you will see how Jesus dealt with a woman caught cheating on her husband:

"1": Jesus went unto the mount of Olives. "2": And early in the morning he came again into the temple, and all the people came unto him; and he sat down, and taught them. "3": And the scribes and Pharisees brought unto him a woman taken in adultery; and when they had set her in the midst, "4": They say unto him, Master, this woman was taken in adultery, in the very act. "5": Now Moses in the law commanded us, that such should be stoned: but what sayest thou? "6": This they said, tempting him, that they might have to accuse him. But Jesus stooped down, and with his finger wrote on the ground, as though he heard them not. "7": So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her. (KJV)

So to conclude my point, infidelity is wrong but who are we to judge? No one is perfect; the way I see it is that we're all as bad as each other...

Ploughing The Ladygarden...

Well, I'm not going to Beat around the Bishop on this one, folks...I enjoyed today's lecture on 'That Thing We Don't Discuss'; I would have liked to see whether any females (other than myself) would have raised their hand if asked whether they had masturbated (oooh, I just said a dirty word!) within the past week.

I would have willingly admitted to 'pleasuring myself' on a daily basis if asked - yes, really! Most women I know, all of my female friends in fact, deny ever masturbating - they just blush and say "Ugh, no I don't do THAT!" Yeah right, like I believe you anyway...why deny it? It's fun, it's free, and it makes you feel great!

Men, on the other hand, (see what I did there? Wow, I'm good...hehe) are generally quite open about jerking off. The amount of times I've been sitting in halls with my male floormates and they've announced their intentions of going to "choke the chicken" before a night out, it's astonishing but not uncommon. Yet if I announce my intentions at doing the same, (not that I have a chicken to choke, ladies and gentlemen) which I did during freshers week, I can expect to have them banging on my (locked) bedroom door and sending me links to the vibrator pages on annsummers.com via msn...amusing, u may think and yeah, it is funny now but at the time I ended up getting rather agitated...I mean, come on, how do you expect me to focus on THAT when I have hormonal, horny guys banging on my door?!

But anyway, the point I'm trying to make is that it's far more socially acceptable for guys to do it - or is it just more acceptable for them to admit to doing it? Moving along now to sex toys...it's far more acceptable for a woman, whether in a sexually active relationship or not, to own a vibrator (ladies, I recommend The Rampant Rabbit Thruster http://www.annsummers.com/single.asp?gid=7&cat=2&pid=3158 ) than for a man to own a Fleshlight http://www.fleshlight.co.uk/ Seriously, you will be disgusted if you click on that last link; you have been warned!

I wonder why this is - maybe because people are finally beginning to grasp the notion that women don't always need a man to make them orgasm, that women are actually more capable of pleasuring themselves alone (and no, before you even begin to ponder, I'm not a lesbian man-hater). I have grown used to satisfying my sexual appetite by myself as I'm in a long-distance relationship and don't get to see my boyfriend that often...but hey! That's why God invented Ann Summers!

Also, to TOUCH on the issue from a religious perspective, when I was still a practising Christian, my boyfriend at the time (who was also a Christian) asked the pastor of our church whether masturbating was wrong, as the Bible is silent on this point. He replied that the actual act of masturbation isn't wrong but the thoughts that are present in your mind as you do it can be sinful. To be frank, this confused me as I believe you can't masturbate without having 'dirty thoughts' in your mind - it's those thoughts that turn you on, right?

So to conclude, masturbation is GOOD! You won't get hairy palms and a hunchback if you do it. If that was the case I'd look like Quasimodo by now...

Am I doing it right?

Ok, I don't know whether my last 2 blog entries were actually relevant to the module as I've only just joined this module in the third week after switching due to a timetable clash. But what the hell, I enjoyed writing them so thats that!

I shall go back to basics and start by coming up with an idea for a class trip - hmmm....somewhere unsuitable, you say? How about a strip-club? To be fair, I don't think the male members of the class would complain and it would give us girls a chance to have a good old-fashioned bitch about the women degrading themselves (we love to bitch about things like that, in case you didn't know).

Is stripping prostitution? In my book, it is. They are performing sexual services for money, whether it be the actual act of sex itself or a lesser form. Guys who go to strip-clubs on a regular basis (I'm not talking about the stag night parties here) who are so desperate for female attention that they have to pay for it are, to be perfectly honest, complete losers. Don't they feel shame when they have to pay for services rendered? No, they don't - because all they're thinking about is the semi-naked woman dancing in front of them.

And as for the strippers themselves, well it's entirely their choice if they want to make a living from selling their bodies instead of educating themselves and getting a decent job like the rest of us are trying to do. But I wouldn't like to be in their shoes, thats all I can say. The idea of dancing around leering, perverted men doesn't appeal to me in the slightest. Don't they have even an ounce of self-respect and dignity? Obviously not.

The majority of women I know react with disgust when anyone mentions female strippers - yet it's perfectly acceptable for women to hire a male stripper for a hen party or an occassion of that equivalent. "It's not the same if it's a male stripper", they would say. This is a classic example of double standards in British society; like if a man shags around, it's natural, it's 'expected' of him, he's "just being a jack-the-lad" - yet if a woman confessed to having the same number of sexual conquests she would be called all sorts of derogatory names, ie slut, ho, whore, slag etc. Now thats what winds me up. Not that I think women should be able to shag around without being called those names, because I don't think a woman should behave like that in the first place, but that men do exactly the same and are held in high esteem by their peers for it.

If a man and woman have identical lifestyles, both with loose sexual morals, is it really fair that the woman should be classed as 'being bad' when the man isn't? Hardly.

Food - am I the only one who feels guilty after over-indulging?

I was walking back to halls from lectures whilst trying to think of ways in which I behave badly when it came to me as I passed Asda - food. The amount of times I've been on a diet that didn't last longer than a week, I've honestly lost count. Due to suffering from anorexia and bulimia between the ages of 11 - 14, I've been every size between 4 and 16. To be perfectly honest, I don't think there has ever been a time in my life when I've been happy with my body, even now. I know I'm not the only one; the majority of British women would love to change their shape. I'm not going to start a rant on how this is because of media influence on society, ie stick-thin models on the catwalk etc, but I truly believe that it makes a significant impact on how we define beauty.

Whenever I go clothes shopping, there is always some part of me that comes away feeling depressed because I don't feel comfortable in certain outfits, which brings me to that age-old line - "Does my bum look big in this?" That question is the reason that I refuse to go clothes shopping with my mother. Walking round the shops with her is an absolute nightmare; she's incredibly fussy and when she finally finds something that she likes, she comes out of the fitting room with an oh-so-sad look on her face and tells me "I'm going on a diet, starting tomorrow". Like me, few of her 'diets' last longer than a week. She does try though - she has a fridge magnet which reads "Fridge Pickers Wear Bigger Knickers".

Anyway, back to me and my diets that don't last, back to the overwhelming feelings of guilt and shame that engulfs me when I give in to temptation and eat five giant oatmeal and raisin cookies in one sitting. Why do I feel so guilty? Is it because I know I have let myself down? Or is it because I know I will regret it during the summer months when (God forbid) I have to wear a bikini in public?

This shame comes with the territory of being a woman, the constant feeling of being surrounded by other women who are slimmer and prettier than you are - don't deny it, I can't possibly be the only one! Ok, so the guilt I experience now is nowhere as bad as when I had severe eating disorders, nothing could be as bad as that. When I was anorexic, I didn't eat for days at a time, hiding my gaunt frame with baggy clothes and cunningly disposing of food so that my mother would think I was eating. Which lasted for a considerable time, but I guess it was inevitable that she should discover what was really going on. So off it was to the doctor, who referred me to a child psychologist who I had to visit every week to be weighed (one of the most humiliating times of my life). Talking to a stranger about why I wanted to lose weight didn't help at all - I honestly thought I was fat even though I was 5"10 and weighed about 6 stone. The reason I started eating again was because I saw the effect it was having on my mother; she had to stand by and watch one of her children starve themselves. The pain I was putting her through was unimaginable so I started eating again.

The only problem was, I still felt guilty. So after eating everything my mother served up I would throw it all back up again. It was my way of keeping her happy. But I couldn't go on like that - the toll it took on my health was horrendous. So I stopped and don't get me wrong, it wasn't easy. I had to re-think my whole attitude towards food. After all, I had basically trained my mind to reject anything which could make me gain weight. But I did it, and suprisingly started to enjoy food. In fact, I enjoyed it so much that I ate and ate and ended up becoming overweight. I hated the way I looked because as I was already rather tall, I just looked huge and bulky. So now I actually was fat, the very thing I had worked so hard not to become. And I hated myself for it. Actually, loathed is a better word.

When I started college however, I became more active and the weight started dropping off. I became more confident because of it and since then my obsession with weight hasn't affected my health any more. Although I still don't like my body, I have come to realise that I probably never will. But until I can stop being bad and resist the bakery aisle in Asda, then I guess I'll just have to put up with being an average 'curvy' girl. Can I live with being a size 12? Yes I can. :-)

Smoking - friend or foe?

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